How do you miss children you never had? I feel like someone has taken my children away from me. It reminds me of how a woman feels after a miscarriage. You never held that baby in your arms, but you had already imagined how that moment would be in your mind. You've spent weeks planning the nursery, baby names, and what your family will be like with the addition of this new person in your life. That's how I'm feeling about Artem, Vlad,and Leana today. We had planned how we'd have the house set up, how we would decorate the "boys" room and the "girls" room, we were going to turn the guest room into a hang out spot for the kids, and we'd even picked out middle names for each of the children-names with special,biblical meaning.
I guess we'll have to go through the mourning process because in our hearts we feel like we've lost these children. I guess yesterday was "denial" day and today has started the "pain & guilt" day. My heart hurts and I feel guilty that we can't financially qualify for these children. Maybe if we'd made different choices in our life we would be in a better financial situation. But if we had made different choices would we even be considering adopting right now? Would it mean as much if we weren't having to step out on faith and let God do this?
I heard a song yesterday and one of the lines really hit me. "There is usually pain in perfection." God uses these painful experiences in our lives to grow us spiritually and to perfect us. We are going to keep our eyes on Him, continue to try and do His will, and we know everything will work out in just the way He planned. That doesn't mean there won't be more pain on this journey, but we will be growing in a deeper, more meaningful relationship with our Lord.
"The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:5-7
I guess we'll have to go through the mourning process because in our hearts we feel like we've lost these children. I guess yesterday was "denial" day and today has started the "pain & guilt" day. My heart hurts and I feel guilty that we can't financially qualify for these children. Maybe if we'd made different choices in our life we would be in a better financial situation. But if we had made different choices would we even be considering adopting right now? Would it mean as much if we weren't having to step out on faith and let God do this?
I heard a song yesterday and one of the lines really hit me. "There is usually pain in perfection." God uses these painful experiences in our lives to grow us spiritually and to perfect us. We are going to keep our eyes on Him, continue to try and do His will, and we know everything will work out in just the way He planned. That doesn't mean there won't be more pain on this journey, but we will be growing in a deeper, more meaningful relationship with our Lord.
"The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:5-7
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